can't . . . bruheathe . . .

You'll have to excuse me. I haven't completed the transition from non-verbal to verbal just yet. I'm currently in limbo, caught in the Violent Spitting Curses stage, from which I am trying to refrain, seeing as this is a public forum. Also, the cordless phone in my office is calling to me, telling me that it would look AWESOME at the foot of the opposite wall in at least twenty pieces.

There's nobody to be mad at. Nobody. Well, I could be mad at the power company, but I get a feeling that won't help me. They won't help me.

Last month, I almost swallowed my tongue when I got my power bill. $134.82. Yeah, I'm sure that's not much for most people. My parents' bill is four times that on a good day. But they have a big house. I have a small duplex and a matching paycheck. Chris's paycheck is even smaller and basically keeps him in gasoline and cigarettes. I eked out the payment, but something had to be done. So Chris and I shook it off and went to Lowe's to invest in some ceramic space heaters. $64.84, and worth every penny if they could just keep the damn thermostat from falling.

And that's not all we did. Our thermostat had been set to a conservative 65 in December. Post-bill, we lived the pioneer life and cranked that bitch down to 60. With the space heaters turned on, the heater never kicked in. Of course, it wasn't safe to leave the space heaters on while we were away, but c'mon, the thermostat was set to 60, and it was daytime, and maybe there's not a lot of insulation in the house, but there's not a gaping hole in the wall either. This is Alabama. We haven't seen a decent snow in twelve years. It just doesn't get that cold.

So I've been kind of excited to get the bill and see how well our investment paid off. I was supremely confident that I'd be back into two-digit figures, because this was a mild month compared to the couple of weeks of bitter cold we had last month. Today, I got the bill.

$160.25

I can't look at it. It makes me want to vomit. Do they think I'm a drug dealer? I'm the only one on my block that's not. You overcharged the wrong ho! I make an honest living, get it? All my income is on the books! What you see is what you m*$&#$-f(*&%^ get! You can't squeeze water from a rock, you electricity-hording f*&%s!

I guess I will be mad at the power company. Seems to have gone in that direction anyway.