Take two and call me in the morning

My chiropractic experience to date, aside from the awkward timing of appointments, has not been unpleasant. I have only one complaint, and I'm not sure who to direct it toward.

If my chiropractor is to be believed, here are a few things we should be doing in order to take care of our spines:
1. When getting into vehicles, we should sit on the edge of the seat, swing both legs together, and pivot on an axis. We should not ever get in one leg at a time or sit down heavily.
2. We should not hold a telephone for too long in one hand. We should switch hands often, and if we spend a lot of time on the phone, we should buy a light headset.
3. We should walk with our heads level or slightly raised, never lowered or looking toward the floor.
4. When getting out of bed, we should keep the torso straight and gently bring the feet over the side of the bed, legs and ankles together.
5. We should throw out our La-Z-Boy chairs and replace them with rockers.
6. When working at a desk, we should elevate materials we are reading or working on.
7. We should avoid reaching or anything that involves working overhead. We should be especially careful when combing or shampooing our hair.
8. When bathing, we should sit straight rather than reclining against the back. By leaning back in the tub, we could cause a vertebra to slip out of place.

That's just excerpts from the hand-out she gave me. She also instructed me to stop going to the gym for the time being (even for my precious evil yoga) and to get rid of my brand new Fossil over-she-shoulder messenger bag. I'd like to emphasize brand new if only because she didn't seem concerned about this fact. Does she know how long it takes me to work up the mental fortitude to spend $10 on something as frivolous as a bag? Does she have any idea how long it will take to prepare for that again? Or does she just not care?

If this instruction is in any way inaccurate or excessive, my complaint is to my chiropractor: I wish you would stop scaring people. I understand that the spine is important, but so is the muscle tissue that will go into entropy if I follow your instructions to the letter.

If her instructions are indeed necessary, my complaint must go to God: I know You have an explanation for the fact that You apparently made our skeletons out of bone china. I just wish You would share it with the rest of the class. In my limited understanding, I would've gone with something like stoneware. It's cheaper, more durable, good for any occasion, and microwave safe. In case You wanted my opinion, which I'm sure You'd ask for if You did.